It took a passport, a few thousand miles, and a language barrier to feel safe enough to explore the thoughts that my sexuality may be labeled something other than heterosexual. A trip to Cancun provided me the safety of solitude and an environment for self-discovery so rich that I was able to hurdle twenty-five years of an ultra-conservative upbringing to understand my sexuality as homosexual and be ok with the truth that made me. Therapists often use medication to help delve into hard to reach places such as this one, but travel provided me the same supplement. I was already outside of the confinements of my comfort zones; therefore I was able to take 
myself out of the box that I had associated with what makes me. Just as I see the world in a whole different light, so do I see myself from a different vantage.
Lounging against a palm pressing my feet through the sand with only the Caribbean bearing witness, I felt clarity of thought that I had not known, accompanied by peace with newfound truth. It was an “Ah-ha” moment. Pieces of my life that could not connect fell in place as if I had placed the last card of solitaire in play. I replayed all of the relationships and friendships I’d had over in my mind and understood my loneliness and dissatisfaction with them. I had many best friends growing up and felt a bouquet of feelings for them. I wanted to be loving, giving, chivalrous, and someone they needed. I also had a growing frustration. Not understanding why I yearned for touch from my girlfriends. Even if they were the “touchy feely” type I wanted more than what they provided. I usually attempted to resolve these frustrations with the thought that I was raised in a touchy feely environment and they were not. Thus describing away the gap between them and myself. This resolve was anything but effective. I remember many sad nights in high school where I was inside of my car at the beach feeling more isolated than a survivor on a stranded island. I was convinced that there was not a single soul on the earth that could understand my feelings let alone appease them. I had so much love to give and no understanding of how to give it. If I ever let my thoughts venture near the idea of homosexuality I rebuked myself stating that it was impossible because I was a good girl and a good child of god, and if I were gay I was taught that I would be an abomination and I would die in hell.
After living apart from the grasps of my parents for seven years and developing my own ideals of life and how the world works through my travels and experiences I have become proud of who I am and understand that god would not hate what he created. Ironically the solution from that loneliness was isolation in a different country. Cancun provided a maternal safety surrounding me with water and the soothing sounds it made as the tide ebbed and flowed. It showed me that there was more than one correct way to live life. Added to that, I was separated from the idiosyncrasies of normality, which provided the energy and freedom to assign my mind new tasks. For example, instead of worrying when I would have time to cook dinner, pick up the dry cleaning, vacuum, pay the bills, and get out of debt; I reassigned those brain seconds to work on issues in my life that were unreachable when added to daily stressors. Granted, this is not the only way to self-discover, however, I would say that it is arguably the most fun, and for me it’s been proven to be the most effective!
Shannon Enete
Writer / Photographer
www.shannonenete.wordpress.com
Filed under: Travel
